Grief and Loss

Yesterday was Father's Day. For some of us, it could be a difficult day. It doesn't matter how long since our loved one passed away, the pain, for some, is still quite intense. 

But there is hope at the end of the tunnel. After we properly processed our grief, we would be able to better manage our pain and still keep the wonderful memories that we had. If we choose to, we can channel that energy to build something positive. But first, we may have to reach out for help and support, just like everything else related to care giving.

I have decided to add grief and loss resources to the blog. I hope it will be useful for those of us who are grieving and working on closure. 

Cancer caregiving study

 The Journal of Clinical Oncology recently published an article "Comparing adult child and spousal caregiver burden and potential causes." 1    This study analyzed adult child and spousal/partner caregivers’ surveys from the Cancer Care Outcomes Research and Surveillance consortium, a multi-regional population-based study of approximately 10,000 persons with newly diagnosed colorectal and lung cancer. The study looked into adult child and spousal caregivers’ caregiving responsibilities, social/emotional burden, and financial burden. 

The graphic of this study provides findings that may help lighten the burden on caregivers.  

Summary:  

- Adult-children spend less time caregiving than spouses, but experience greater social, emotional and financial burdens

- Employment, childcare and patient and caregiver gender contribute to adult-children's higher burdens

- Patient-caregiver gender concordance, common for adult-child caregivers, is associated with worse social/emotional burden

- Communication quality is associated with reduced social/emotional burden 

Implications:

- Efforts to reduce caregiving burden must adapt to adult-children's challenges of childcare responsibilities, work and gender dynamics

- Programs improving communication may benefit adult-child and spousal caregiver populations

- Caregiver-patient gender concordance's association with burden extends prior research that females face great caregiving burden than males

Although this is an academic study on the caregiving burdens of adult child compared to spouses, it shed important light on how caregivers are affected socially, emotionally and financially.  It is important for caregivers to seek support and help (I've listed some of them in the resource page) in order to lighten the burden.  The other takeaway is the importance of communications.  Whether it is between the patient and caregiver, or between patient/caregiver and the medical staff,  communication is key even though this is a very emotional time for all that's involved. 

 

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Gal 6:2 NIV

 

How to help or ask for help using resources available?

Many people feel very helpless when they learned about a friend's cancer diagnosis.  They often want to reach out to the family, but don't know what to say or how to help. 

On the other hand, patients sometimes wonder why their family and friends haven't shown much support after their cancer diagnosis.   

A cancer diagnosis can be very emotional for the patients.  Often times, it is a very overwhelming period of time, and patients and caregivers will likely have to keep track of a list of doctor's appointments, lab visits, treatment at the hospital and other related appointments.   Even though this is a very busy time, as a caregiver, it is worth the time to sit down and assess the situation and look for things that can be delegated to family members or friends who are willing to help.   

There are now many online resources that can be used for this purpose.  I've listed a few in the "Resources" section and will update the list with new resources whenever they become available. 

For general updates, Caring Bridge is a great tool to help caregivers provide latest information on the patients to friends and family who are not local.  Care Calendar and My Life Line can help caregivers coordinate tasks and errands amongst friends who are available to help out.  As for meals, Sign Up Genius and Meal Train can both organize meal trains.   

Having specific tasks listed clearly can help friends transform their care and concern into actions.   They won't have to guess and wonder how they can help.   Families can get the help they need while attending to the more personal needs of the patients.   

Feel free to update the lists as different stages of patient care might require different types of help.  It is perfectly fine to ask for friends to be with the patient so the caregiver can take a brief break.  

Parents often say it takes a village to raise a child.   For me, being a caregiver was no different.  I had to rely on my friends for help and support, in both physical and spiritual matters.  Even if a friend wasn't able to help, their prayers have often lifted my spirit.  

So dear caregivers, find your village... sometimes help doesn't come from familiar places, especially if you're away from your family.  There are many volunteers who are willing to help, remember you are not alone in your journey.   Look for local support group as well if you need help.

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Phil 2:4 ESV.