Before I started this blog, I know the one thing I would say again and again to a caregiver is this: self care.
People who have been through this journey will mostly agree with me. People who haven't might be a bit confused, or even a little judgmental: who doesn't have that one FB friend who is appalled by how 'selfish' you sound?
But those who have walked this path know that it is a very rocky and uncertain road. We don't know how long it might take, and we don't know how many curves lie ahead of us. The only consistent thing about the caregiving journey is that we have to persevere. In order to take care of a patient, we need to make sure our own physical and mental (and for me, spiritual) needs are taken care of as well. If we are burned out, then how can we effectively take care of the ones we love?
There is no better analogy than the oxygen mask safety talk that flight attendants give on flights: “Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the mask over your own mouth and nose before assisting others.”
This is not to say that we should just abandon our caregiving duties. That is not what I meant at all. Taking a short break can be refreshing. We can have a friend visit for an hour or so to be with our loved one, while we go get a coffee or just be out of the house. To be honest, even the frequent pharmacy trips served as my short break - anything that got me out of the house for a little bit. The medications still reminded me of the one I cared for, but the short walk getting there (20 minutes round trip) helped clear my head. There are a lot of emotions involved with taking care of a loved one, and watching him/her fight an uphill battle. There will be days that feel a bit more like a lost battle but we still need to recharge to be ready for the next one because we are in a war. Sometimes a quick charge is all we can manage, I'd say just take that opportunity even for a 15 minute break.
For me, a short prayer helped refresh my weary soul. I am not kidding when I say weary. Some days I felt so worn down that even I was at a loss for words (very unusual I must say) in prayers.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3 NIV
